Growing up, Sunday night could be spent one of two ways: being extremely bored, or WWF wrestling. All of us myopic, redheaded children would take off our glasses, gently lay them on the fireplace mantle, and then wrestle until we had a winner or someone peed their pants.When my Dad joined in, he would end the tournament quickly as he could win with a single eight-armed octopus move that would pin us all somehow.
As a teenager, I continued to wrestle with my Dad. No, it wasn't creepy.We wrestled on curfew times, who my friends were, if my grades were good enough, and on spiritual matters. I am not one to take things at face value and I had a lot of questions on why things happen. Why when we are being good and faithful do bad things still happen to us! The question was infuriating, and I wrestled with my Dad about it. In those times, he gave me the best piece of advice: "Go and wrestle God about it. Go and tell him everything. Be like Enos talking all night with your Father in Heaven. First, wrestle with your question, your problem, your lack of faith. Be upset. Then don't give up. Keep reading your scriptures, praying, making right choices, and he WILL speak peace to your heart."
Now, you should know, the Father of all Creation, the God of Everything and I have definitely wrestled. I get mad. I tell him I am losing faith. I tell him my heart is broken. I fall asleep crying with the injustice of it all. But there is always a morning. There is always peace. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes it takes a lot of work, prayer, and trust on my part, and sometimes I still don't understand the answer. But the peace always comes.
This might seem sacrilegious to some, and that's OK. You don't have to understand my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Only I do. And as I build my relationship with my children, I know that I want them to come to me with everything. I want them to get mad, to scream and yell, but I want them to have enough faith in my love for them that they talk to me about it. I won't have all the answers. But I at least know where to direct them to get the answers they seek.
I can see with how much I love my children, the infinite amount of love God has for us. He's tough. He can take it. Go and wrestle with God.
5 comments:
I love you! You have the best way of putting thoughts into words that make a lot of sense. Plus, you're super real and never have to pretend to be someone your not. I wish we could just hang out at Panera bread and you could just talk. Haha. Seriously, I would be down with that. I miss you!!!!
Seriously Stef, send this into the Ensign. Please! It would help many! One of the most powerful things I've read in a while. Love you!!
What a great insightful essay. Thank you for these inspired words and the talent that you posses to put things into perspective and in way that re minds and inspires us all to do a little better. Love Dad
Thank you for your inspiring words. You have such a great talent in being able to remind and inspire us to do an be better. Thanks for that and keeping an eternal perspective as you struggle thru life and teaching your children. You are doing great and we love you all. Dad
golly i love you. and i love your dad!!! go a wrestle with God! I like that it's okay to be upset. get mad, get it out and let those very real emotions surface....but to continue seeking the peace that God offers. Seriously, send this to the Ensign!! Your writing is so powerful. My heart was touched as I read it. I want to wrestle a little more now! Thanks love.
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